Blog
How lawyers can recognize and deal with stress
By: Shawndria McCoy, Esq., a North Carolina attorney
You are an attorney; I am an attorney. So! A title does not take away your human characteristics. We are people just like anyone else. Whether you are a doctor or a blue collar worker, we all deal with similar issues. Neither our titles nor the numbers before the period in our paychecks exempt us from dealing with life and all that comes with it. Life can be stressful and we all have or will deal with some form of stress in our life at some point. Does life stop when we face stress? Of course not; we are forced to deal with the stress along with all the other goings on in our life. Our friends or family may think because we are attorneys we live a glorious life and things must always go well for us because we make lots and lots of money. I am sad to report that is not typically the case.
I personally define stress as anything that gets me off kilter and that elicits a response or reaction from me in a manner I would not usually respond. Stress causes you to lose your focus or balance. I know some stresses can be good as it may call you to a positive action. However, other stress can be harmful and debilitating. My goal, as should be for all of us as colleagues, is to try to help one another recognize and appropriately address the stress demon.
Being an attorney can be stressful for a number of reasons. Our clients lives often rest upon our shoulders and can make the difference between life and death for some. Attorneys in private practice may face the stresses of running a business, having to pay staff, having to ensure bar requirements are met, having to ensure they maintain a steady stream of income and an influx of clients, etc. Some attorneys hide behind a veil displaying a picture perfect life to avoid alerting others that their life is not going the way they would like it, but because they have this title of “Esquire”/”Lawyer”/”Attorney” they have an image to maintain. Stop! You will end your life earlier than necessary with this mindset. You are a human being working an ordinary job and facing the same ordinary struggles as the next person.
Do you recognize when you are stressed or are you oblivious to it? It is very possible to be stressed and not even realize it. You get going in ways where you fail to take a break, but relate your tiredness to not getting enough sleep. Stress shows in your actions and how you relate to people. You do not necessarily have to curse out a co-worker or snap at your neighbor or walk in circles pacing back and forth to be stressed. That lingering headache you have been having for a week that you can’t figure out why it won’t go away? That’s STRESS! Your eyes are throbbing and you cannot get your bearings together? STRESS! Tossing and turning at night when you are trying to sleep? None other than STRESS! Not desiring to be around certain individuals while being reserved and/or withdrawn? You guessed it – STRESS!
The first course of action I would suggest for dealing with stress is to recognize that you are stressed. Do not ignore it or downplay it. As Iyanla Vanzant would say, “call a spade a spade.” It is ok. It happens to the best of us and will likely happen again at some point in our life.
Identify the source of the stress. Is it work? Family? A new baby? A new responsibility? Finances? Relationship? Singleness? Whatever it is you need to identify where it is coming from so you can decide how to deal with it. What is an alternative to that stressor? Can you bring someone on your team to help you deal with it or help to reduce it? A co-worker may be able to take a few cases off your case load to ease the burdens and stresses. A simple phone call from a friend to say I am thinking about you could be the key. It is perfectly fine to ask for what you need, whether it be help or space or time or a vacation.
Clients calling you on the weekends? You can turn your phone off. I promise, the world won’t end because you miss one phone call or even two. Sometimes you need to tell that friend or that family member “No.” They will get over it and they will have to accept it and respect you.
Taking care of YOU is your first responsibility. If you allow life to “do you” you will get “done in.” If you are no good to yourself and are not taking care of yourself, how much better will you be for your clients or anyone else? The bottom line is – YOU WON’T BE! Self-preservation is the key to life and to work and family. You preserve you by loving you, by treating yourself to some pampering, whether you like a massage, going fishing, watching a cartoon show, or simply doing absolutely nothing. You have to de-program from work and life and put your blinders on. Have you ever seen a horse in a parade? They wear blinders on the side of their eyes to keep them focused on where they are going straight ahead and to keep them from all the distractions, which may cause them to act out of character. That’s what we have to do as attorneys and human beings. We have to put our blinders on to life and work at times so we will not lose ourselves in the process or the daily happenings that require all of our time and attention.
At the outset of stress or if you even think you may be getting stressed, STOP! Sit down, breathe, relax, put work aside for a moment, take a walk around your building, go have lunch with a friend at your favorite restaurant, go get that big ice cream sundae you have been craving, take a drive and play your favorite song, call a friend and have a random outing, look out your office window at the bird sitting in the tree or the pine cone trying to make its debut on the ground, feel the wind in your hair or the grass under your feet.
Take care of you! No one – not a boss, a spouse, or child – can take care of you better than you can. Your clients need you and so does your family, but YOU need you more. Your life depends on it.